My 2am thoughts.
I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Most of my life I’ve thought about this line in my head. I read somewhere that the one who is afraid to give is hesitant to receive…but I have never thought of not giving, you see. I have given my time, my art, my talent and whatever I could without thinking twice. But still I hate being an inconvenience. Inconvenience to the grandmother who had to take care of me, inconvenience to my parents who had struggles of their own, inconvenience to my brother who keeps things bottled, inconvenience to the boyfriends I tried to love, inconvenience to the friends who never really were friends. For a very very long time I fought my battles alone. Some brought me down, some left me in dark places, some left scars, some left wounds that are still healing, some I won too. They got me to a point where I had to rethink, organise my thoughts and work on myself.
To get back to my carefree self I had to shed layers that had formed with time. I’m still shedding those layers. But I’m not doing it alone. I kind of open up now, you see. I accept help. I talk about things that bother. Not all the time. Not with everyone. I still don’t show all my parts to everyone. It’s bits and pieces. Some here. Some there.
But there’s one thing I know… I’m not sorry for the inconvenience.
Originally published at https://iamispiritualist.com on May 21, 2022.
